Wednesday, August 15, 2012

A New Dictionary

In the interest of interpreting the current political polemics and helping humanity understand the current state of public discourse, I offer the following new entries into the OED, Webster's, and even Wikipedia (no students, you may NOT use Wikipedia in your research papers...):

Traditional Family Values: This phrase is code for homophobia, racism, sexism and oppression of millions.
(And I just thought it meant that Mom and Dad should love each other and raise their kids to be responsible citizens.)

Israel: The source of every problem in the world and the cause of all Middle East tension.
(The fact that they are a vigorous democracy and a center of creativity and enterprise is irrelevant.)

Equal opportunity, not equal outcomes: This is rapacious capitalism, trickle-down economics and unfair for the masses.
(Of course the writers of this definition live off the trust funds of someone that worked hard.)

Border and immigration enforcement: This is racism, xenophobia and injustice for all the "undocumented" that deserve a better life.
(Mexico's border with Guatemala is armed to the teeth and the mythical "Aztlan" of La Raza radicals never existed.)

Climate Change: Dubious science used to redistribute the world's wealth and anyone that is a "denier" is dooming humankind to destruction.
(Amazing how these proponents have become rich off the fear of others. Al Gore, when will you debate anyone in an open forum?)

Medicare "as we know it": Millions of seniors will be deprived of benefits and die early if Republicans have their way.
(Of course, the system needs help and we need to let it crash so Big Brother can intervene with emergency powers.)

Demanding ID to vote: This is Stone Age oppression that will deprive millions of their rights.
(The fact that ID's are free and that anyone that cannot get one may be illegally present in the nation is of no concern.)

Food Stamps: Everyone should be issued ration cards so that Michelle Obama, Chef-in-Chief, can make sure we do not eat an egg mcmuffin.
(Apologies to Gabby deserve some fun food after a lifetime of remarkable discipline.)

Oreo Cookie: Any African American that fails to align with the Left.
(I like my oreos with milk and I do not pull them apart.)

Free Enterprise: Allowable only with government approval and subsidies. GE, GM and Solyndra, anyone?
(I thought it was part of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.")

EPA: Enforcing (the) "Progressive" Agenda through hyper-regulation, armed officers and onerous fines during any dispute.
(They are supposed to help us ensure clean air, land and water for future generations.)

And finally, "fairness" - someone in Washington DC decides how to redistribute wealth and maintain power through largess distributed to dependents.
(I assumed fairness meant a level playing field, the rule of law and protection of rights ...silly me.)

Enough humor for the day. As we engage in debate and discussion, let's demand accuracy, honesty, and no deflection from the issues through personal attack or irrelevanm appeals to emotion. 

1 comment:

Dr. Ernie said...

You wrote "irrelevanm appeals to emotion". I think you meant "irrelevant." Though I must confess this blog post itself felt a bit like an "appeal to emotion"...